Like, Love's a Loaded Gun, Kinda
by AgentKaz
Summary: A Quake III fanfiction. Yeah, the game's old, so what. A romantic comedy featuring Anarki and Slash and their like, love and stuff.
1. ChApTeRoNe: Like, it's an Alliance

The 'lives' of the gladiators in the Arena Eternal are filled with frags, gibs, pain, and more frags. Did I mention frags? But is this all they ever do, ever? What about in between battles? What do these guys do when they're not fragging or being fragged? 

Well, how the heck should I know? What d'you think I am, psychic? Jeez. But then again, this isn't the whole story. Not even the real story. A completely invented story. I've taken a lot of liberties here for the story to even work. Heck, maybe it ain't even a story. But this story, if that's what it is, is a story of two such gladiators and their alliance and friendship and maybe a little more... Of two cyberpunks and their love, lives, and frags. Of skating and surfing and shooting. This is Slash and Anarki's story. And it is rad.

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[ChApTeR.oNe

[Like, it's an Alliance.

"Like, check yourself 'fore ya wreck yourself, dude!" Slash yelled, skating by Anarki, the railgun clutched in her small hands. "How 'bout, I got your back, and you get your front, 'kay?"

"Uh, Slash, hello, did you miss the memo or what? It's free-for-all here! Get in the game!" came the digital voicefile of Anarki's voice into Slash's head. Then came Anarki's rocket into Slash's back.

"Dude!!!" Slash yelled, respawning a few feet away. She skated over in a huff. "Backfragger. What's the big idea? Not cool. Majorly. Not. Cool. Like hear me out, man. Hear me out."

"Okay, dood. You got like, five seconds," Anarki said, poised to back up, his rocket launcher pointed at Slash. "I'm listenin', I guess. Hurry it up."

"Uh, okay, what say you we like team up or something? I mean like, I'm rad, you're rad, and like, these people here? They mega-suck," she said. She looked around quickly before she continued. "We could blow 'em all outta the water!"

Anarki though it over for a moment. "Hey, hey! Not bad! Not bad at all," he said. "I like it! Let's get to mass-fraggin' these lamers!" They high-fived and moved out.

Slash picked up her discarded railgun. "Like, where's the marshmallows?" she asked, giggling. "Hey, I'm goin' that way."

"'Kay," Anarki said. "Guess I'm slidin' the other way. Later!" He jumped, then boarded in the opposite direction.

Thirteen frags later and Anarki was declared the winner, Slash in second, the other people not important enough to be in this part of the story. But if you must know, Lucy was in third.

"Woah, dude! Major win, there. We good, or what!?" Slash said, grinning. Anarki laughed. "Yeah," he grunted as the arena disappeared around them as they were teleported, giving way to a large metal room with thirty-two smaller rooms inside.

"I'm beat, man," Slash said. "I'm gone. Time to like recharge. You better charge it up too. There's way more frags where those came from. Later." She skated off to her cell-room. Anarki watched her until her image left his VR screen, then turned, and headed off to his own.

The door opened as he approached the room, allowing him entrance. He walked in and the door started to close. He snuck another look out before it closed, but Slash had definitely left. Oh well, he'd just ask her his question later. If he remembered. He turned around and went to his bed for a recharge.


	2. ChApTeRtWo: Like, Hangtime

[ChApTeR.tWo

[Like, Hangtime

The door to Anarki's room opened suddenly, and he looked up, a confused expression plastered on his face. Or maybe it was just how he always looked. But he was definitely confused. Slash appeared in his view.

"Hey, man!" Slash said. "I'm like, super bored. Wanna hang out?"

Anarki scratched his head. Uh... what?" he mumbled.

"You aren't like deaf too, are ya, marblemouth?" Slash teased. "Y'know, it's megaboring when we're not killin' each other, heh. That's gotta be messed up. I'd totally hang with Daemia and them, but they aren't like in the mood. So I figure, we're like partners now, so you'll have to do."

"Uh... thanks? Wait... what?" He wasn't sure what to make of that. Was it a compliment or what?

Slash skated around the room a bit. "Can't understand ya, ya don't make sense," she said in a singsong voice. She giggled.

"Jack in!" Anarki said, exasperated.

"Slap him?" Slash teased. "Slap who? Like, you?" She burst into a giant giggling fit. "Hahaha... somebody stop me!!!"

Anarki grunted in frustration. "Jack in, Slash!"

"Jeez, dude, don't like get your panties all twisted and stuff," Slash said. "I'm just messin' around, jeez. Like hold your horses."

"Yeah, sure," Anarki grunted.

Slash laughed. "You got an extra console or what?" she asked. Anarki gestured to the wall. Slash skated over and jacked into cyberspace. She didn't hang there all the time like Anarki did, but she hung out there sometimes in the small amount of spare time they had between fights. That's the beauty of cybronic implants. Made it super-simple.

"Nice place you got here," Slash said. "What's it take to get a place like this?" Small talk. Odd small talk, but still small talk.

"Like, maybe a few more implants?" Anarki said, laughing. "Twenty or so. Get your own wetware console."

"Huzzah, he's like, cured!" Slash shouted. "Like, dude, what possessed ya t' get your mouth like wired shut anyway?"

"Uh... seemed like a good idea at the time," Anarki said. "I guess I kinda wanted the whole VR experience, ya know? 'Sides, I don't gotta eat or nothin'..."

"You are unreal," Slash laughed. "For real and surreal."

"This is major real, lady. The VR, the implants, it's all just a like extension of that which we call 'reality'. It's virtual, but it's like, real-life to me. Hence, like, it's even called 'Virtual REALITY'. It's just like, a different kind of real. Real but fake but real. You wave?"

"Dude, I totally wave! I was just like, saying... oh nevermind, man. You'd still think I was rippin' on ya or something," Slash said. She pouted. "You're like an enigma or whatever."

"Enigma?" Anarki said, stopping and turning around to face Slash. "Like, you think I'm an enigma?"

"Well, you're like mysterious and stuff..." Slash said. "And you are kinda... confusing. Oh, xoxx it, whatever. Y'know, you're just WEIRD!!"

"Yeah, and you're perfectly normal," Anarki said.

They stood there, in the odd cyberspace replica of Anarki's room, looking at each other, the awkward silence hanging like fog.

"Uh... Slash..." Anarki started.

"Shut up, doodlebrain," Slash said. She grinned and playfully pushed Anarki. "I'm enjoying the silence."

They laughed for a good five minutes, pushing each other and horsing around like little kids.

Suddenly a sort of buzzing/booping noise went off.

"Frack!" Slash yelled. "The Vadrigar again. Those stupid slimy dirty..." she said, letting off a good stream of swearwords, both real and imagined.

Anarki groaned. "Not again..." he said. "Guess we gotta go."

"Yeah..." Slash said, shaking her head and sighing. "Man, if I ever get my hands on those dudes..."

"You'll what? Skate on 'em?" Anarki chided.

"I dunno, I'd like poke 'em in the eyes or something. Didn't really think it out..." Slash said. "Guess we gotta jack out, huh."

The cyberspace replica of Anarki's room disappeared and they were back in the real one. They left the room and were instantly teleported to the arena.

"Here we go again!" Slash yelled.


	3. ChApTeRtHrEe: Like, That's Painful

[ChApTeR.tHrEe

[Like, That's Painful

Slash skated to the shotgun before Orbb could get to it. "Dude, you're like a bullseye! Gotcha!" she said, and fragged him right in the big old eye. "Your female parental unit," Orbb said. "Yeah, well, like your mom right back atcha," Slash said.

"Ah, the Dreadwerks," she said, giggling and splashing into the big pool. "I love this place. How bout you, Anarki dude?"

"Yeah, it's cool," Anarki said. "I'm... aw frack!"

"What's wrong, dude? What happened?! You okay?" Slash asked coming up for air in the tiny room. In the middle of the room was the BFG10K: truly the opus of Arena Eternal gladiators everywhere. And nobody was around. She grabbed it and teleported out of there as fast as she could.

"It's no biggie, Slash. I just got fragged. I'll be like fine," Anarki said. "Didn't hurt!"

"Well, I got our friend the Big Friendly Giant, and I'm ready for a like fragfest," Slash said, laughing.

"Hey, quiet, kids," Mynx said. "The chatroom's not here. This is an ARENA." She promptly shot Slash with the shotgun.

"Ow! Oh no, you like totally did not just do that!" Slash said, ignoring the pain. "Like, eat BFG, pornolady!" she yelled, and blasted Mynx. One frag added, just like that. "Mega awesome!" Slash exclaimed, skating over to the nearest health cross.

In fact, Slash was so very happy blasting people with her BFG that she didn't notice what was going on behind her.

"Aaaauughhh!!!" she yelled as she suddenly felt a searing pain blowing her up. It seemed Cadavre had managed to get a hold of the BFG as well, and he had totally blasted Slash.

She spawned, incredibly pissed off, shrugging off the pain. "You are so gonna get it now, maggot-bait," she said. "Like, I'm the only one allowed to do that!"

"Need help?" Anarki said, jumping from a high ledge and promptly falling on his face. "Oh, bad landing, bad landing!"

"Nah, I'm kinda okay," Slash said. "Cadavre just like totally wasted me with my fave Bifig, but hey, I'm fine in the here and now."

"Wavy," Anarki said. "So like who's ahead?"

"Gimme a sec," Slash said, the information appearing in front of her eyes. "Looks like we are! Me then you."

"I wave and totally am going out to catch more frags," Anarki said. "Later!" "Like, me too," Slash said. They high-fived and Slash skated off.

"What the hell are you two incessantly blabbering about?" Mynx said, holding her trusty shotgun.

"As if it's any of your business, Mynxie," Anarki said. He smiled a little, switched out his own shotgun, and shot Mynx. "Ask me no questions, I'll tell ya no lies, but I'll totally frag ya!" he said, shooting the body and making it explode.

"Why you little...!" Mynx yelled through gritted teeth. She found another shotgun and went after Anarki, but he had already boarded away, laughing his head off.

Meanwhile, Slash was swimming through the pool yet again, watching on all sides. "Yo, regen!" she exclaimed as she got to the bottom. She grabbed the Regeneration and surfaced as fast as she could.

Gasping for air, she jumped onto the platform that held her fave tool. As soon as she picked it up and switched weapons, Cadavre teleported into the room.

Slash blasted him three times, missing the first, but still causing damage. The next two were aimed better, and ol' Cadavre was fragged, but Slash had sustained a lot of damage herself. Lucky for regen! She felt better instantly.

"Three frags left!" said the disembodied announcer dude. "Slash girl, it's all you!" Anarki said. "Keep it up!" "Woah, dude!" Slash said. "Didn't even realize it!" She skated back to the BFG, reloaded, and teleported the crap outta there.

She stood on the ledge, looking down at the pool below. She saw Anarki and waved. "Move it, bro," she told him. He inched over and she blasted both Mynx and Cadavre in one blow. "Haha! Whoo! Fun!"

"One frag left!" "Oh yeah, Slash dood!" Anarki yelled. "Bring it on home!"

With a sort of battle cry, she jumped from her perch into the pool. She swam to shore. Tactics were thrown completely out the window. This frag would be a piece of cake. Chocolate cake. With a lot of frosting.

She and Anarki stood there waiting, ready for Cadavre, Orbb, or Mynx to come by. "C'mon, people," Anarki mumbled.

Suddenly they heard a door open. Slash turned. Mynx. Okay. Shoot. Frag! "Slash wins!"

Anarki and Slash high-fived as they were teleported back. "That's gotta be illegal," Mynx muttered. Slash giggled and hugged Anarki. "We rock and roll!" she said. Anarki laughed and grunted affirmatively.

"Hey, wanna hang out again?" Slash said. "I think that was like the last fight of the day or whatever."

Anarki shrugged. "'Kay," he said.

"Mega-cool!" Slash said. "Yours or mine? Or like, that big ol' room-thing we're all s'posed t' use, but like nobody does anyway?"

Anarki shrugged again. He pointed towards his room, then towards Slash's. "Jack in?" he grunted.

"Your room it is," Slash said. "Your console's better'n mine. I don't think that lame-o super-room even has a console." She smiled. "All right, lead the way, cyber surfer!"

She followed Anarki to his room, walked over to the wallconsole, and jacked into cyberspace. 


	4. ChApTeRfOuR: Like, Think I'm in Love

[ChApTeR.fOuR

[Like, Think I'm in Love

"Uh, Anarki man, this game is ancient," Slash said. "You're always complainin' about old things," she concluded. "So what's up with this?"

"Like, there's a difference between 'old' and 'classic', 'kay?" Anarki said. "Space Invaders is CLASSIC, dood."

"Whatev," Slash said. They were hanging out in a virtual version of Anarki's room, playing an old arcade game. Oh, sorry, I meant "classic".

"You're just p'o'd 'cause I'm beatin' you," Anarki teased. "C'mon, Cutie Honey, get in the game!"

"Woah. Woah woah woah. STOP. Pause. Freeze frame. You did NOT just call me that," Slash said. "If you want to live and keep your limbs, you did NOT."

Anarki stared at her. "What? Other people call you that," he pointed out. "Don't make such a big deal out of it..."

"Ya think I LIKE it when those dorkons call me stuff like that?" Slash said, fists up. "Dude, like where have you been?"

"Cyberspace," Anarki said matter-of-factly, then dissolving into laughter. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, don't hit me," he said, cringing, but still laughing. "I'll never say it again, okay?"

"You promise?" Slash asked, hands still balled into fists, but she was starting to laugh too. "You like promise on your life or what?"

"Yeah, I promise! Okay?" Anarki said. Slash punched him, not very hard, a joke-punch. They collapsed into fits of giggles.

"Dude! We're ridiculous," Slash said. "We seriously do not look like a couple of 'gladiators' right now." "Yeah, dood," Anarki said. "Like, where'd we come into the picture?" "Cybronic, cybronic, cybronic implants!" Slash sang, grinning.

Anarki smiled as much as his mouth would allow. "Yeah, seriously," he said. "Plus it's fun."

"Easy for you to say, numbnuts," Slash said. "You can't like feel the pain!"

"Yeah, so?" Anarki said. "It makes it better!" He laughed nervously and looked at Slash. "Hey, Slash..." he started.

"What, Anarki?" Slash said. The gigglefits had stopped, and the quiet was odd. It was as if everything had just... froze.

"Okay, this is like coming out of left field, I guess, but..." Anarki said. "Uh... I... I'm... Okay, this is weird. I've never done this before..."

"Spit it out, Mumbles."

"Slash... I... I really like you. There, there, I said it. Okay." He looked at her. She looked surprised, but a smile slowly developed on her face.

Anarki took a step toward her. It was almost subconscious. He reached out for her and put his arms around her in a hug. "I... I think... I love you..." he said.

"You really do?" Slash asked, looking at him, smiling.

"Yeah... I really do."

"Then... I love you too?" she said. She laughed. "Aw, Anarki, you're so cute and kiddielike."

"I've never liked anyone like this..." Anarki said. "Never had the time... I'm always in such a hurry. But there's like... somethin' about you... Hold on. Cute and kiddielike?"

Slash laughed, and wrapped her arms around him. "You're funny," she whispered. She felt Anarki's wired mouth brush up against hers. Even in virtual reality it seemed real. She kissed him back. "That's how you do it, wired dude," she laughed.

"Gimme a break," Anarki said. "I don't like got any experience!" They both laughed.

They sat down together, holding hands, saying nothing, for a long time. Then Anarki finally spoke. "You know Slash, I've had like this crush on you since we first got stuck into this thing. Y'know, like a bajillion years ago."

"I never like noticed," Slash said.

"Yeah... I kinda hid it," Anarki said. "Sorry, but I was kinda too freaked out to tell you. So I fragged ya a bunch instead... I'm sorry. I just wasn't like too sure, y'know?"

Slash smiled. "I fragged ya a lot, too, 'member?"

Anarki laughed. "Yeah, I've had my bits scattered way too much."

Slash gazed off into the 'distance', the distance being the 'wall' of the VR room. "Dude, we like don't belong here," she said finally. "Those other dudes, they're all like, hey, yeah, let's fight, but we'd be like nicely put with just some implants, the Net, and a couple'a chocobars."

"I'd go for that," Anarki said. "But it's like hopeless 'cause we're just gonna stay here all the time on a mega-replay."

"Yeah," Slash said, "But it's nice to like dream."

"Hey!" Anarki said. "Flash this: It's like a game to me, right? So just like make it a game for everyone else and it'll all be fine."

"Yeah, like in your dreams," Slash said, pushing him. "Try puttin' that past the O-So-Holier-Than-Thou Arena Loserbutts."

"Such a way with words, o Dragon Blade Lady," Anarki said. "Will you be my Mona Lisa?"

"Overdrived to, Anarki," Slash said, grinning. "If you can catch me, of course, oh great cyber-surfer!" She laughed and the VR room was replaced with a seemingly endless array of stars in an outer-space setting. She laughed and skated away, beckoning tauntingly to Anarki.

Anarki took the challenge, jumping on his board and surfing through the cyberspace universe, Slash staying just slightly out of the way. "What, slowed down already?" Slash taunted. "Restart and try again."

"'Sup?" Anarki said, on her other side, tapping her shoulder. "Caught ya."

The surroundings reverted to the room-replica. "Aww, no fun, that was over too fast," Slash said, mock-pouting.

Anarki laughed and pounded his chest. "I'm king of the VR jungle!" he said, and picked Slash up.

"Dude! Put me down!" Slash said, kicking. Anarki did, and gave her another wiry kiss.

"You're not a good kisser," Slash pointed out, and they started laughing again.

"Whoo, somehow I'm tired now," Anarki said. "You ran down my batteries," he complained. "I'm gonna get you for that." "Stick it in yer ear," Slash said, giggling. "Let's charge together!" Anarki thought for a moment. "'Kay," he said, smiling. They both plugged into the charger and fell asleep in each other's arms. Aww. 


End file.
